Today is a sad day for The Gregor. Today it has been a fortnight since my doll and I parted ways.
Here is an emoticon which attests to my depression.
We bonded over a mutual love of marine aquariums one day in the park. Ever since that day we were inseparable (but really, this is only to be expected – I exhibit exceptional magnetism). We passed the time with our scintillating tea parties and had heart-to-hearts while watching Weatherwatch and Music on SBS. She was so realistic, I felt a closer connection to her than I ever had to any human. I may enjoy making love often, but that can never compare to the bond between me and my doll. She really ignited my zest for life.
But then one day she was taken away for stupid reasons. It turned out she was in fact a human girl, and had to leave! I was distraught. She was the only friend I ever had. I cry at the memory.
Now, since The Gregor needs a little pick-me-up, here’s the pick-up line of the day:
Hi, my name is Doug. That’s “god” spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.